Life gets in the way

Good grief.

I would like to right now go back to being the innocent, trusting person I was when I last posted a blog in this space. There I was — on April 21st according to blog records — rocking along, happy in my ignorance, actually believing that people who rent a house from you feel obligated to, you know, pay rent.

But I am not that person anymore. My eyes are open. I have heard all the excuses, swallowed all the lies and granted all the extensions and exceptions I can stand.

So. Yes, I descended into the darkness of middle-of-the-night panic and recriminations of ‘if only’ and ‘why didn’t I do such and such,’ but …. that’s all over now.

I’m back! Fortunately for the book and all its fans (yes, the number of fans is growing!) I was in an interview phase rather than a writing phase when these financial worries beset me. So I was able to (heroically in my humble opinion) carry on, despite the many and necessary outpourings of my grievances.

To recap, I’m working on the chapter dealing with the decade of women in their 20s. History with younger interviewees has taught me I’ll likely have to arrange two appointments, since the first is often cancelled. This held true for my 20somethings, but I did manage to get 5 personal interviews (out of 9 initial, promising contacts). I don’t mean to complain; it’s just worth noting that young women have jobs, school, enticing social lives, etc., and aren’t actually thrilled to sit down with some research lady to answer a bunch of personal questions.

Fortunately, I confounded their expectations. Several of the charming 20somethings ended our interview by saying, ‘This was really fun,’ or ‘Wow. I had a good time.’ We’ll ignore the fact that they sounded incredulous and focus instead on how happy I was not to be equated with a college essay.

Now. What fun tidbit did I learn from the 20somethings that I can share with you? Here it is: The majority of the women, when asked, ‘When in your life do you feel like you learned the most about your sexuality?’ said that it wasn’t during their experimental period, but rather during the time of their deepest, most long-term relationship to that point.

“When I was dating around, I think I thought I learned a lot, because of the ‘practice,’ ” said a 26-year-old woman. “But I learned more when I was with guys for a long time, and the guy I’m with now, I’ve learned the most from. We’ve been having sex for a while (2 years), and we trust each other, so I’m open to trying new things. I’m not afraid to tell him what I want and he tells me what he wants and if it’s totally crazy we’ll laugh, but we’ll try it.”

She candidly admits she wanted to experiment with multiple partners, and said during that period she might learn new things like, “that feels good in that position,” but she found she “didn’t get to the bottom of it until I dated just one guy. I’d learn things on the surface … (but) until I found that connection with somebody, I didn’t learn as much as now.”

It’s not unusual to hear a woman say this, but it was surprising to me that almost all those in this age group echoed her sentiments to one degree or another. In fact, one woman called back and said she decided against an interview because the longer she was with her husband, the more distant her former sexual self seemed to her. It wasn’t “what she was about” anymore, and she didn’t want to dwell on it.

I told her not to think twice, that I completely understood and wished her the best.

See? I’m still having fun!

Tenants from hell will NOT keep me down!

And, to preview my next blog, let me just say that last night Dr. Whelihan and I had our first joint public appearance to talk about the upcoming book. Was I excited? What do you think?

Details will be coming soon, but the television beckons. Friday Night Lights won’t wait.

Tags: chapters, Dr. Maureen Whelihan, healthy sex, research, sex in the 20s, sex survey, sexual desire, women's sex lives, writer's block, writing