Hello everyone — and ugh

So I wanted to make my first blog about something incredibly universal that us women of a certain age all have in common, but I woke up with a migraine, which makes it hard to be smart and creative. Actually, this is the third day in a row for this particular migraine. And though I’m not in pain now, the meds really give me cotton head, so, you know, ugh.

The headache gave me a slow start to the day and I was late getting to work but wasn’t too worried because I had a 4 pm interview and knew I’d be working fairly late. Besides, the cool thing about being in a career for 30+ years is that the people around you give you the benefit of the doubt. They trust you to do your job because you’ve been competent at it year after year. Remember early in your career when you were an agony of nerves all the time, terrified to make a false step or do something foolish and be revealed in all your ignorance? Yeah, me too. Only too well. Those years lasted a looong time.

But they’re over now. In fact, my whole journalism career (with the good years and bad years) is about over — although I still plan to write and have even started a book. Yes, yes, we all have one in us but I’m actually going to try to get mine OUT of me. We’ll see. And I’ll let you know how it goes. When I wrap up my newspaper work I’ll keep a presence here so I don’t lose touch with all my peeps, aka midlife women and maybe a few stray guys.

But ye gods, I just realized that since I’m leaving the only career I know anything about, I’m doomed to repeat that whole novice phase I so airily described just two short paragraphs ago. I’ve been telling myself I’m entering a new phase and all, but I never actually equated it with that whole beginners’ phase where you feel untested, foolish and nervous. I thought it’d just be exciting, challenging, different — all that stuff. Now I’ve flipped over the coin.

Gulp.

Is retirement always going to be this scary?

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Tags: book proposal, journalism career, publishing, writing